I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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