I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
