That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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