the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
