I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
