We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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