I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
