i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
