Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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