Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
