thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
