Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
