its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
