This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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