I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
