someone owes me an orgasm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
