Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
