guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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