i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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