is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
