I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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