We named our party play list daddy issues
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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