kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
