dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
