Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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