Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
