they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
