imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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