Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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