I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
