It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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