come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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