C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
