One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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