I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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