I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
