Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
