first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
