It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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