Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
