in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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