We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
