How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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