She is in my trunk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
