At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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