we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
