She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
