We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
