so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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