just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
