i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
