So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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